(This interview was commissioned by the Marketing Team in preparation for the release of Immortal Games, out now! I dunno how you found this page otherwise…if you’d like to see more interviews, comment below. This would be around the time of Volume 6, and this is a canonical event that may be referenced later. You’ll see.)
–pirateaba
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/immortal-games-pirateaba/1149767082?ean=9780063516465
The following is an interview between Mrsha and Miss Drassi for an unaired edition of Channel 2 news. It was never published due to objections from Magus Rievan, who at the time was overseeing the Wistram News Network content. He elected to run a series of interviews with [Princes], [Princesses], and children of largely noble, Terandrian birth.
He was later reassigned.
The footage was recovered by Archmage Eldavin, who elected not to run the material due to concerns over Mrsha’s fur color, The Wandering Inn, and anonymity. Drassi Tewing is in possession of another copy of the original recordings. The final, edited version omits a number of interruptions and cuts all images of Goblins or Antinium except for Garry in the background.
(Interview starts at 5:28).
Drassi: –So now it’s your turn, Mrsha. I’m going to ask some hard questions and some easy ones, okay? No wrong answers. But no looking to anyone for help! Just be honest, and let’s let the audience hear what it’s like living as a Gnoll kid in The Wandering Inn.
Mrsha: F-forsooth, I am ready!
Drassi: Er, quick question from me ahead of the pre-written ones. Do you write out ‘f-forsooth’ like that in person, Mrsha?
Mrsha hold up a card that the camera focuses on with a big smile.
Mrsha: I do! That way people know when I’m nervous and stuff.
Drassi: So interesting. Okay, thanks! First question: now we know you’re a fun-loving [Druid] who likes to steal food and such–even if you try not to anymore–who’s got the best food? The Inn has had a number of great [Cooks]. Erin, Imani, and Garry–your mother makes food too, and she’s got [Flawless Attempt]. Just between us and the world, who’s the best?
Several people poke their heads into frame behind Mrsha as she sits at a table, thinking seriously. Imani, Garry, Lyonette, and Erin. They’re chased off by members of Channel 2 News.
Mrsha: If I had to be honest…it’s Imani or Garry, but sometimes other people are good. Those two are the best.
Erin: Hey, what the heck, Mrsha!
Drassi: Quiet off set, please? Fascinating; can you explain, Mrsha?
Mrsha: Yep! Both Imani and Garry are really, really good. But at different stuffs! Garry makes awesome bread. If it’s not his buggy bread, then it’s always so warm, tasty, crunchy–he’s best at bread because he’s a [Baker]. Imani makes non-bread dishes from alllll over! She’s really good with meat. My favorite is her suya skewers. She makes them different from the ones I ate in the Stone Spears tribe, and they’re sooooo good. So the best meal is an Imani stew with beef in it with fresh Garry bread!
Drassi: Nice, can I get some of that? What about your mother? She’s, uh, signalling me off-screen.
Mrsha: Pshaw, she’s okay. (Is she reading this?) She makes good food, but only once a day because of her [Flawless Attempt]. And it’s only good as she can do, so she’s, like, a good breakfast person. Very nice eggs.
Drassi: And Erin doesn’t even rank?
Mrsha: I like her milkshakes. And cake. And burgers. I like lots of Erin’s food, but it’s just not really…hard. Which is why everyone can make it! Erin food tastes great no matter if it’s Ishkr who makes it or some guy who stole her recipes.
Drassi: Fair enough. Glad I didn’t make any enemies among the chefs today. Question two, hmm…if you could steal any one person’s Skill or class, what would it be?
Mrsha: An Archmage’s class, duh! I’d cast all the magics and fly around shooting lightning bolts! If it’s one Skill, um…I think…I know I’ve seen it. Help me, it starts with ‘G’!
Drassi: [Garden of Sanctuary]? [Grand Slash]?
Mrsha: No! [Great Leap]! Lacel the Leaper had it! I could soar into the sky and stuff!
Drassi: Huh. You really like the idea of flying, Mrsha?
Mrsha: It looks really cool. Plus, you can get away from trouble! Most things can’t shoot stuff or aim like poo.
Drassi: Nice, then let’s pivot to a harder question. Mrsha, when you grow up and leave the inn, what do you want to do?
The Gnoll girl stops bouncing up and down at her table. Her face goes blank.
Mrsha: What do you mean, ‘leave the inn’?
Drassi: I mean, when you get older and strike out on your own.
Mrsha: I don’t want to leave the inn. Do I have to go?
Drassi: No, not right away! It’s just that you know, you get older and you want to move out. I left my parent’s home when I got my first job, for instance. And you’ll be an adult at some point, so you have to go, right?
Mrsha: I didn’t know that. I don’t want to go. I want to stay here forever. Can’t I work? I can work. I’ll be good.
Drassi begins to look uncomfortable. Lyonette is staring at her from the door to the kitchen.
Drassi: I just meant what kind of job you want–
Mrsha: I’ll work here, doing something. I can clean tables.
Drassi: I’m sure you can. But if you wanted to have a class, or be an adventurer! I’ve heard you talk about that, Mrsha.
Mrsha: Yeah, but…I’ll always come back here. This is my home.
Her bottom lip begins to tremble and Drassi shuffles her notecards fast.
Drassi: Okay, I think I might not be clear, Mrsha. I meant–let’s come back to that. You love pranks, right?
Mrsha: I guess. But I’m a good girl so no one’s going to make me leave, right?
Drassi: Aaaaabsolutely not. Who’s the easiest to prank in the inn, and who’s the hardest? It’s just a fun question, Mrsha.
Mrsha: I guess easiest is the Antinium but no one does that because that’s bad. I prank Relc lots. He doesn’t think when he’s here sometimes. The hardest is…Erin. Or Palt. He’s always thinking about stuff, but he doesn’t dodge when you throw Apista in his hair. Erin does. Ishkr never gets pranked.
Drassi: Ishkr’s pretty solid. Normal, but hard-to-flap, yeah.
Mrsha: You mean unflappable.
Drassi: That’s what I said. Okay, next question–if you could change one thing about Innworld, what would it be?
Mrsha: I don’t think people should get hurt or get older! If we didn’t, we’d all be happy, right?
Drassi: I–yes. I guess one or the other would be great. But I was more meaning things you want to see. Buildings, laws, or getting rid of Crelers even? Something feasible, Mrsha. Within the realm of reality.
Mrsha: Reality. Bah. Okay, fine. If I could change one thing, it’d be roads.
Drassi: Roads? Really?
Mrsha: Yeah. I want them all to be like the ones Pallass has on its floors. Smooth. Roads suck when they’re muddy and nasty. They get muddy and you step in potholes and when it’s rainy or snowy it sucks. If everyone had nice roads, they’d go around more! Roads are important, Drassi.
Drassi: Hey, no arguments from me. That’s a really great answer, Mrsha. I guess that’s your Stone Spears tribe background again?
Mrsha: I guess. I just think it’d be nice so Ryoka could visit more and then it’s safer for cute little Gnoll girls to play around the Floodplains and all my friends can come to the inn more.
Drassi: Alright. Hey Mrsha, I think we’ve cooled down a bit from that earlier question. Sorry about how I asked that. What I meant wasn’t getting into you leaving the inn. Maybe you won’t. What I meant was…when you get older, you’ll get to do tons of amazing stuff as a grown-up. Whatever you want. And look what Erin’s made here. When you get older, Mrsha, what kind of place do you want to make for others? What kind of inn would you want to make? That’s the question I think I was getting at.
Mrsha sits up in her chair, and her mouth opens. She stares up at the ceiling for a while, then begins to write energetically.
Mrsha: Oh I get it! That’s a good question, Drassi, you’re good at this.
Drassi: Why thank you, I try.
Mrsha: I want to make…a big park. Like Erin’s [Garden of Sanctuary], but waaaaaaaay bigger. As big as the Floodplains! Only, not all hilly. Some hills. And it’ll have animals to hunt, and vegetables, I guess. Lots of beautiful flowers. It’ll be somewhere cool, and you can’t build stuff aside from maybe a few nice things.
Drassi: Very cool, a resort, like that Pallass Hunting?
Mrsha spits on the table. They both stare at the spit and after a moment Ishkr comes over to wipe it away. Mrsha shakes her head.
Mrsha: That’s silly! It’s not about that. People will come there and have a really fun time. They can sit, and barbeque, and talk–but the rule is, no fighting. So a Goblin can come in or a Human and even if they hate each other, they have to talk ‘cause that’s the rule. And there’ll be gold and stuff. So people have to come.
Drassi: And they have to hang out?
Mrsha: Yeah, and then they’ll become friends! Some will be stinky buttfaces probably, but it’ll be awesome and you can be safe and happy there and people will make big deals and stop wars inside.
Drassi: It sounds sort of like Erin’s garden, but bigger.
Mrsha: Yeah! I’m gonna be better than Erin, though. (Don’t tell her I said that.)
Drassi smiles, and the camera pans to Erin Solstice, who stands in the doorway smiling for a second. Then Drassi clears her throat.
Drassi: With those other questions I think that’s enough footage for now. Thank you, Mrsha!Â
Mrsha: Am I going to be on television tonight? Do I get paid?
Drassi: I’ll buy you that Imani-Garry meal, and we have to edit this! No promises when, Mrsha. Okay, that’s a wrap, people! Thanks, Mrsha.
Mrsha: No problem! Can I see the camera-thing?
She jumps up onto the table and scampers up to the camera and the person holding it jerks back. The interview ends.
A section was later added to the footage that an anonymous user uploaded to Wistram Worldwide Web (name in progress). It asks if readers enjoyed the interview, and if Drassi were to interview anyone else, whom they’d like to see.
Submissions still being accepted.
Author’s Note:
Like I said, I’m happy to do more and these are honest answers from the characters. What would you ask them, and who’d you like to get an interview from?